what's holding your heart together?? - 101 things you might not know about me ...

101 things you might not want to know about me

When I was a kid, I worked at the taco/pizza stand of a very cool (and no longer) amusement park, Roseland Park, in Canandaigua, New York. On Saturdays, an old fashioned dixie band - complete with a banjo and a clarinet - would come and play wild, jazzy music on the pavilion between our stand and the lake behind them. We danced the nights away, drinking soda and eating taco pizza. Truly glory days.
My dad worked at that amusement park also, as a maintenance guy. He was the one who, every day, had to climb up the little ladder next to the rollercoaster tracks to inspect for any problematic safety issues. I couldn't watch.
My husband and I met in the international dorm at college. He was studying for his doctorate in physics. What a smartie. I was studying to be a social worker. Not so smart. : )
I had my very own horse when I was a kid. Her name was Ginger and she was a beautiful, spunky palomino. One summer she escaped from our back yard, trotted down the street to visit her boyfriend, and came home with a glow. The next summer she had a filly foal named Taffy.

One of my all time favorite life memories is riding Ginger bareback the summer she was pregnant. We were great friends and she was so crucial to my sanity and stability when I was a teen. On a cool evening, with the warmth of her belly below, I felt loved and peaceful and happy.
My new favorite flavor of ice cream is chocolate peanut butter cup. I am not a Reeces girl, but man! I like this ice cream. I try not to eat it too often, though.
I have never even been to the ocean, but I have lived near some really beautiful lakes. Right now, I live on the shores of Lake Ontario and I can't believe how much I love it. It is so beautiful to see the sun come up over the lake in the morning.
I think I would really like living near the ocean.
I am on fire for God and feel so blessed that He has given me the life that He has. I feel chosen by Him and believe, in my heart of hearts, that He offers that special honor (of being chosen) to all who listen for His voice, and then walk forward to hear what He has to say.
I have the greatest friends. Many have opened their hearts to me and many have laid their life down to help me and my family. That's God's love in action.
One family, whom I have never met, laid down their lives for me when they donated the very heart of their own beloved, dying child so that my beloved, dying child could live. That's God's love in action, too.
I can never thank them enough, but it has been two years and, soon, I am going to try and put words to paper. I don't want them to think that I have forgotten. I am so grateful, but it is so hard to know what to say.
I can't think of a way to transition from my serious number 12 thing to a not so serious number 14 thing, but I have a long way to go to get to 101, so I am just going to jump ahead
I can't pick just one favorite color. I love them all.
If I had it to do over again, I would study art, not law, and I wouldn't focus on doing it in a traditional college setting. I feel like the most important thing college and law school gave me was the the satisfaction of accomplishment and I am grateful for that. I don't feel like I learned that much, though. It was a failure of joint collaboration: institutional learning has significant flaws as did my character. I didn't take full advantage of the opportunities for learning, nor did any institution demand it of me. Education is not something you get; it is a volitional, purposeful decision to grapple.
I feel like the rest of my life will accommodate my desire to learn well and think deeply.
Of all the (nonessential) things in the world that make me happy, being pregnant is my happiest thing. I love growing a baby. And, though, I don't expect there to be a lack of babies in my life, I am probably (waayy) too old to be pregnant again.

I secretly pray to be blessed with another pregnancy anyway. I figure I my as well pray; God knows my heart. Mostly, I guess I keep my praying secret from my husband who would (spit a bird, have a cow, crack his head or incur any number of other atrocities) if he found me pregnant again.
But, then, he would get over it. : )
My cousin, Amanda, is a total Jesus freak and faithful like few others I have seen. After I became saved, she was the first person I told and she jumped for joy.
Amanda is quite a few years younger than me and so I remember when she was young. She was very naughty and I mostly remember her sitting, arms folded and red-cheeked, on my grandmother's sofa. Amanda is famous for eating a guppy on a dare.
It is true that I am a Christian and my husband is a Muslim. It is a long story. We are trying to work it out, but there are many difficult days. Marriage, if you haven't heard, is hard work.
The truth is, I haven't been paying attention to the media or politics much. It is not that I don't care, it is just that I prefer not to deal with bad news and tragedy. I dealt with way too much bad news and tragedy in my law career and I am still recovering, some four years later. Now, I guess, I choose not to listen.
My husband, though, is all up in arms about everything.
I miss reading fiction and am open to suggestions of excellence. I am a character girl not a plot girl.
Once, when I was an attorney, I represented a guy who was convicted of double homicide. I didn't represent him on the murders, but on a visitation matter. It is a funny story because when I met him, I liked him. He sure didn't look to me like someone who could have killed two people. If I had met him outside the context of a jail cell, I might have thought he was ..... an attorney.
It is true, I am a vulnerable person.
But, I am not stupid. I asked him how a bright looking guy, like himself, got where he was and, as soon as he opened his mouth and tried to blah blah blah me that he was innocent of the double murders, I knew he was where he needed to be. And I was grateful that Patrick, my deputy friend, was keeping a watchful eye on me just outside the cell.
I am not the only vulnerable woman in the world. My law school professor - an extraordinarily brilliant woman - dated Ted Bundy. Yowwch.
There but for the grace of God go I, you know?? And you, too.
I have been homeschooling for seven years. I started out enthusiastically and idealistic, but now I am just tired. I need, and anticipate, a jolt in my homeschooling.
I am tired of cooking, too. I love to cook, but, it is very tiresome to cook three meals a day for 8 people every single day. I need, but don't anticipate, a short respite.
I am tired of homeschooling, tired of cooking, but I am getting a lot more sleep than I used to. There were long stretches of time in my life when sleep was sacrificed as an effort to keep various children alive. For months, if I was lucky, I would only sleep about 2 hours a night. And it was usually in 15 minute increments. It was hard. But, I am thankful to report that all children are still alive. And I know Who did that; it wasn't me. It is cool to be part of the Plan, though.
Now that I am sleeping like a real person, I have a hard time getting up in the morning. I used to be a morning person, but no longer. It is almost like that sleep deprivation from a long time ago is catching up with me. I know that is silly, though.
I am, overall, a happy, optimistic, encouraged person, but I think my writing makes me sound somber.
My friend, Linda Ann, is my greatest encourager. Every crisis, every joy, every time; she is always there, taking care of me, understanding me, and blessing me. We have been friends for 30 years.
Linda introduced me to my coffee habit. And, now, one of our favorite things to do is drink great coffee while watching our children play together.
Linda is one of the smartest people I know. And, she is an awesome veterinarian. She hates sheep, though, which I will never understand. I love sheep.
I had the gift of being a shepherd to a small flock of Icelandic sheep for two happy years. Linda, because she loves me, tolerated them and even paid them modest compliments once in a while. Like, "they are not the stupidest sheep I have ever seen" or "they are kind of cute, I guess."
My future as a farmer was, sadly, not meant to be. Life intervened. The ewes' names were Camilla, Stella, Janey, Barbie, Dorothea, Samantha, Kara, Mae, and Annie. The rams: Buddy Jackson, and Cole Potter. I sure loved my sheep. And my guard dog, Rosie. She was an awesome dog. A Great Pyr.
My husband did not love the sheep and he tolerated them even less than Linda. We will not likely have sheep again in the future.
But, you never know.
Dreams die hard for me.
My friends tell me that I do everything in excess. I think it is probably true. There is nothing wrong with big, is there? Or, too much of a good thing? You should come to my house the week before Thanksgiving. I make Chex Mix. A lot of Chex Mix.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. I really do love to cook.
I love rock and roll too; I can't help it. Led Zepplin, Rolling Stones, Queen, and Jethro Tull are classics I can't shake. I also enjoy Indigo Girls, Dave Matthews Band (gasp), and newer groups like Smash Mouth and Linkin' Park. I enjoy classical music also, and country and jazz. And, of course, worship music. I pretty much love it all.
But Paul Simon is my all time favorite. When I hear a Paul Simon song, I have to turn up the volume (really loud) and sing along.
I don't sing well, so it helps to have the music loud. ; )
Paul Simon's, Negotiations and Love Songs, was playing when I was birthing my daughter, Raeah. I sang "my momma loves me, she loves me, she gets on her knees and hugs me ... whoa she loves me like a rock" between contractions.
Raeah might be the sweetest thing I have ever laid eyes on. She is so beautiful. Raeah, when she is happy, says "you're my baby, mommy." And, "my heart is singing for you." And, I can tell when she is really mad because she says, "you're not my baby, mommy."
Raeah looks just like my husband who looks just like his mom.
My husband is from Pakistan and got a free (educational scholarship) ticket to America because he is so brilliant. It is very clear to me that God wanted us to be married because He has, time and time again, arranged circumstances so it was impossible for us to be anything else.
Why do you suppose that God would so obviously and purposefully arrange for our marriage and then maintain our marital survival even during crisis after crisis after crisis? I would go so far as to say that God has made it impossible for us to separate.
My husband's nickname is Brownie. It is not because he is brown, although he is. His nick name is Brownie because years ago, before we were married, I called him Charlie Brown and it stuck. Before the nickname morphed into Brownie, it was Charlie and, then later, Charles. Some of my friends still call him Charles. His real name is Ashraf.
He will always be Brownie to me. Even when I am mad at him, I call him Brownie.
I am grateful he doesn't call me whitey or pinky or something goofy like that. To him, I am just, Honey. Together, we sound like a desert table!
My daughter, Hannah, is five years old and her favorite color is red. Red so suits her personality. She is vibrant and fun and demands your attention the same way the color red does. It is not a bad thing that she causes you to stop and listen. It is just the nature of her beauty and character that makes you pause. She is extraordinarily charming and very sensitive.
My favorite part of the book is, inevitably, the acknowledgement page. I used to try and control myself and only read the acknowledgement page after I had read the whole book, but now, more often than not, I read the acknowledgement section both before and after I read the book. I even read the acknowledgement page in a text book. I know it is kind of goofy, but I can't help it. I like to know for what and for whom people are thankful. I think the acknowledgement page says a lot about the author and it influences me as I read their work.
Acknowledgement is one of those words I can never spell correctly. So are commitment, occasionally, and background.
I know that if there are good things in my life, or if there is anything "good" about the work that I do or have done, it is because of God in me and through me.
One of my best friends in all of the world, Rebecca lived in NY, but then 2 years ago she left me and moved to Ohio, where she was originally from. Then, as if that wasn't bad enough, last fall she moved to Michigan. I miss her so much.
I think God put Rebecca in NY just long enough so that we would meet and become friends. I pray that someday, she and her family will be able to settle back in NY permanently and I believe that will happen. But, if it doesn't, I know that Rebecca and I will be friends forever.
Growing up, I never thought much about being a mother and a wife; in fact, I thought it would be better to purposely avoid it. But, I did think about how cool it would be to be pregnant with twins.

God so blessed me by answering that heart prayer. I still can't believe that I had twins. They are such fun.
The cool thing about twins is how different they are and how alike they are. My twins balance each other out perfectly; where one is weak, the other is strong. And vice versa. How cool is that?
Authenticity is important to me. I find it offensive (and silly) when people profess to be one thing and are something else. I can't understand it either. How could you have a particular set of beliefs and not act accordingly? It must be a lot of work.
Maybe people hide their true selves because they don't want to known, but I wonder if they have just not thought deeply and committed to a particular set of values. So they float around from pillar to post, so to speak, and never firm up an answer in their own hearts.
Ingratitude and selfishness also confuse me and leave me very unimpressed.
But, trust me, I have my own unimpressive moments and they can be equally dark. In fact, they are probably darker than most.
Oh, yeah, baby. I am a sinner. Big time. We all are; it is the nature of the beast. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
Deception can really break a girl's heart. There have been two times in my life when I have believed someone to be my friend, but I was deceived.
Both deceptions involved Nylah. The first friend wanted me to, effectively, end Nylah's life and stopped being my friend because I wouldn't. And fourteen years later, a different friend accused me of wanting to, effectively, end Nylah's life. If you can imagine. I thought the first was bad, but the second was much worse. God knows, I have done nothing but devote my life to keeping that child alive and well.
I have forgiven them but I can't imagine ever being friends with them again.
Immediately after the end of each relationship, God assured me that His hand was on my life and that those relationships were Purposely ended for my protection from issues that had nothing to do with the incidents themselves.
When God assured me of this the first time, I wasn't saved, but I was sure it was Him. It is one of my earliest memories of being wooed by the Holy Spirit.
When I attended the College of Wooster, some of my friends that were not at the College of Wooster called me Ms. Woo (how is that for a transition?).
I only stayed at the College of Wooster for a year. I wish I hadn't transferred away; I just had no good leadership in my life at the time. I still miss the friends that I made at Wooster, but I am not in touch with any of them.
My maiden name was Buscemi. Now someone else has my name and it is kind of freaky. She is not me. She looks lovely, though. I hope she is nice.
My middle name is Jo. I hated it so much as a kid that I used to scribble it out on all of the papers my mom would send to school. In highschool it became a kind of nick name and, today, my friends who have been my friends the longest, still call me Jo.
I am a pretty savvy driver but any perceived benefit is lost because I tend to drive too fast.